Preface To My Will

My Last Will And Testament, prefaced by relevant comments

Lorenzo Perry, my dear friend of ten years, passed away of complications from esophagus cancer, on Thursday, August 12, 2010. During the first week of August, 2010, after having endured chemotherapy and radiation, and suffering terribly from terrible vomiting and intense pain, he seemed to be doing a little better. He was able to eat a little bit, and, from all I could gauge, he was doing well enough that I could leave him alone for a couple of days, to honor a commitment I felt obligated to see through (helping Howard Heim prepare his belongings for an upcoming move). It was the worst and most fateful decision of my entire life. I left Lorenzo, since he seemed to be feeling better, to help Howard Heim with his plans to move to a new apartment, even though the move was, at that time, still several weeks off. So, while I was with Howard Heim, who was diddling around with minutiae (typical for him – hurry over to help him, while he takes his time getting around to business), Lorenzo, apparently feeling left out, and needing to get out of his apartment, went somewhere, where I suspect he did something that worsened his condition (understand that I DO NOT blame Lorenzo, as he had been suffering, and probably thought that getting out would be good for him). By the time I returned to Lorenzo, he was in the hospital, already suffering from the infection that ultimately took his life. So, I feel that I (unintentionally) paid for helping out Howard Heim at the expense of Lorenzo’s life.
I’m so sorry I took Howard Heim up on his offer to stay with him until the move; I had been staying outside (because I am homeless), except for when I was with Lorenzo, and could easily have continued, as it was Summer, when staying outside is not difficult. So, feeling I had an obligation to Howard Heim, I divided my time as seemed necessary.
Now Lorenzo is gone forever, Howard Heim is finished moving, and has his life back, a sentiment he expressed the morning I vacated his premises. On the morning of August 28, 2010, after all of his things had been moved, while I was under the impression, based on things he said, that I would still be needed for a few more days, he asked when he could have his life back, as though I was imposing on him, even though he asked me to stay for this. I never wanted to stay; I was under the impression that I, by being available to him, was doing him a favor!!!
Now that he has his life back, here is a brief summary of Howard Heim’s life, from my perspective:
Howard Heim, born December 9, 1959, who now lives at 833 Hamlin Street, Apartment 1A, Evanston, Illinois 60201, and is the Superintendent at Church Street Plaza (the block from Church Street to Clark Street, at Maple Street, in Evanston, Illinois) is a 50-year old adolescent, with no ambitions beyond being a couch potato, uninterested in expanding his horizons beyond whatever he indiscriminately absorbs through the only conduit he takes advantage of: his television. He has all the insight of a toddler, and not even as much curiosity: he accepts, categorically, everything he sees on TV as irrefutable fact, regardless how nonsensical the offering. Supposedly, the date December 21, 2012, the last date of the Mayan calendar, constitutes the end of the world as we know it, about which he saw a “documentary” on the “History Channel”,. He has admitted to never scrutinizing this document for himself, claiming that he wouldn’t be able to read it, nor seeking any corroborating evidence, in the process totally accepting the verdict of a television program whose science is highly suspect, and is assembled with pseudo-scientific, slick production values.
Another “admirable” quality of his, is his claim to be seeking a “soul mate”, which claim is regularly belied by his puerile comments about women he sees in passing, as well as the attendant adolescent jokes he makes regarding them. Any woman who would consider him as a partner, whatever the scope of such a pairing, must be sorely lacking in self-esteem, as he is a singularly selfish, self-important, complacent, incurious, aloof cold fish with liquid nitrogen in his veins. Moreover, he regularly denigrates everybody he perceives to be lacking in his self-described virtue, which, he would say, were he so inclined to develop the vocabulary (he is not so inclined), is beyond reproach. He is an utterly unfeeling, uncaring pig, as lacking in virtue as he believes he is virtuous. I hope his dog, his only companion, upon whom he lavishes all manner of affection, constitutes all he will ever know of love, and that he never find happiness of any kind for the remainder of his sorry life.
With that having been said, and being aware that I could continue at length for many pages, I hereby take my leave of this thoroughly, distinctly, and singularly reprehensible “person”, to attend to my own needs, such as they are.
I have decided that, considering how much Lorenzo meant to me, and feeling that I failed him, I must now seek to join him. It is of no consequence to me that my plans may cause someone distress; it is I who now feels distressed. I have had a very hard existence, and far more failure than success. Shortly, I will put an end to this existence.